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Conscious Living

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” —Socrates

Most people think that just because they are breathing and their hearts are beating, that they are alive. The truth is, there is a huge difference between being alive biologically and being alive spiritually.

Most people are spiritually dead, living on autopilot. They do what society tells them to do. Get up when the alarm goes off. Eat a bowl of Cheerios. Fight through rush hour traffic. Get to the office, sit in the cubicle. “Work.” Make someone else rich. Make just enough to stave off that ever-growing debt for another month. Or. Slave away at another job — lay brick, fix toilets, clean floors, sell shoes — and not because they want to, not because they have a passion for it, but because they have to, so that they can make the next car payment, mortgage payment, engagement ring payment, credit card payment, whatever payment.

Unconscious living is not entirely about career/money, it’s about life, but for many, career/money is life. It is sad and it is wrong.

There are two ways to live: 1. consciously— aware, deliberate, thoughtful and 2. unconsciously— unaware, on auto-pilot, careless.

To truly live a conscious, thoughtful life we must break free from the chains of societal expectation. We must switch off the autopilot and become aware, and not just of our career/money, but of everything. We must learn to become masters of life, to be conscious of every action that we perform — from taking a bite of food, to choosing our next vacation destination, to laying our heads on the pillow at night — everything.

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” —Socrates

There are seven elements to conscious living, master these and you will lead a life uncommon, a life of intent and purpose.

Relationships

We all engage in relations — personal, professional, romantic, friendship, and so on. But how aware are we of the dynamics in those relationships? How consciously do we exist inside of them?

Do you grab your briefcase each morning, kiss your wife on the cheek, and then head out the door on autopilot? Or do you carve out the time to eat breakfast with her, talk about your hopes for the day, kiss her on the lips, tell her you love her (and mean it)? This is the difference between conscious and unconscious living.

Do you have a boss who is always shooting off reams of advice? Do you sit in his office and stare blankly ahead, smiling and nodding, but all the while thinking of your evening commute or the flowers need watering or the number of emails clogging up your inbox? Or do you listen to his words, actively listen, be thankful for his time, his thoughts, try to learn from what he says, and to become a better person for it? This is the difference between conscious and unconscious living.

Each relationship and each encounter is an opportunity to grow. Too often we say and do the things that we are supposed to. We shake a hand, kiss a cheek, rub a back — but we do it mindlessly, re-actively. To live and to grow consciously in our relationships we must be entirely present and thoughtful in our engagements with others. Our actions must be proactive and not reactive. Speak from the heart. Listen to what your soul is saying when you see someone. Share your true thoughts. Practice kindness and patience. Be aware. You will find that not only will you have more to give within your relationships — student, employee, sister, mother, friend, lover — but you will also get so much more out of them.

Nature

In our modern society human beings have become self-centered. During the age of enlightenment we learned that we are not, in fact, at the center of the universe, however for some reason over the past several decades we seem to have forgotten that basic fact. We mass consume, burn through natural resources at alarming rates, and clear forests without hesitation. Somehow, we have forgotten our place in the world. We have lost sight of the fact that we are a very small piece of a very large puzzle, a puzzle that our future depends upon.

Occasionally, when I start to lose my footing or become overwhelmed by day to day trials, I refocus. I remind myself that in the grand history of time, my life is just a speck on the radar. I think about the little earth spinning through the giant universe. I think about the fact that the earth is alive beneath us, molten rock moving miles and miles beneath our feet. These thoughts ground me. You are the most important person in the world and the most insignificant. Remember both of these things always.

A person that has no reverence for nature can not live a truly conscious life. Nature — the plants and animals around us, the planet Earth, the atmosphere, the universe — are all things larger than us. Living unconsciously allows us to consume, destroy, and rape nature. We must stop to examine our actions. We must act in a way that protects and conserves nature rather than devastates it. Unconscious living in the natural world is shameful and dangerous. There are thousands of articles, websites, and blogs about conservation and green living. Start there.

Art
Each person’s definition of art is different. When it comes to conscious living, art is simply the stuff that you find beautiful. It can be music, painting, dance, theater, literature, bodybuilding, stamp-collecting. It is about determining what you find to be beautiful and appreciating it, surrounding yourself with it, and incorporating it into your life. If you music is art, listen to it on your car ride in to work, while preparing dinner, at your desk between meetings. If bodybuilding is your art, get a gym membership, keep a second-hand set of weights in your basement, hand pictures of bodybuilders in your office, on your refrigerator.

Conscious living involves surrounding yourself with your version of art. It means infusing art into as many areas of your life as possible and letting it provide you with continuous motivation and inspiration.

Thought/Meditation
Thought is the most important element of conscious living because conscious living is based in thought. Conscious living is about taking the time to think about every word that you say and every move that you make. It is about acting with intention rather than simply acting just to act.

Have you ever known a person that speaks just to hear themselves talk? Well, that is how most people live their lives. They are acting just to act or living just to live. They do things because they think they are supposed to or that they have to. That is not life! Conscious living involves doing things because you want to, because you are passionate, inspired, and driven. It means thinking positively and rationally all of the time. Everything that you do should be a conscious act. Even when you get dressed in the morning, choose something that will make you feel good for the whole day. Don’t just throw on the first thing you see because it is clean. Even when you plan your next vacation, choose a destination that will enrich your mind and feed your soul. Don’t just book a flight to Miami because the airfare is cheap.

The conscious life involves meditation. The level of meditation may vary. For some, taking five minutes mid-day to close your eyes and breathe will be enough. For others, meditation will in

volve intense rounds of yoga or prayer. No matter the method, meditation is necessary. Simply close your eyes and turn off your mind. Focus on just existing. Slow your breathing, relax all of your muscles, and just exist. Meditation is a much deserved rest. After all, conscious living is all about thinking. Meditation is relaxation for the conscious mind.

Health/Body
The body is a vessel. The body is a temple. We are each given one body to inhabit during our time on earth. It is up to us how we treat it. Conscious living involves making intentional decisions about our bodies. What do you put into it? How do you maintain it? How do you nurture, honor, and protect your body?

“Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.” —Socrates

Each time you put something in your mouth, think of the consequence or the benefit that it will have on your body. Eat and act in a way that will nourish your vessel. Stretch, exercise, eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Again, there are thousands of articles, websites, and blogs about healthy living. Start there.

Service
Conscious living is not a selfish endeavor. It is not about living rightly to enjoy a good life and then ignore the fate of others. Conscious living means living life, enjoying happiness, and then sharing the fruits of our labor. It can be as simple as smiling at every one you see. There are endless opportunities to be of service in this world. Volunteering is a great place to start. Next week, I begin volunteering at my local animal shelter. While it is going to be trying for me (a huge animal lover!) I know that it is going to be infinitely rewarding.

Being of service and spreading kindness are crucial elements of conscious living. Just as being present in our relationships improves our own lives, so does helping others. To give is to receive. This is a lesson that the conscious mind knows well.

Purpose
Conscious living means living a life of purpose. People believe that finding their life’s purpose is a great mystery, an impossibility. Perhaps they are right. It can take a life time to determine your life’s purpose, but there are ways to make it easier. Ask yourself these questions. *i*What do I love? What is the one thing that I would do every single day even if no one saw me, even if I did not get paid? If you can answer those questions you will have discovered your passion. Often times pursuing our passion leads us directly to our life’s purpose. My passion is helping people to live a life of joy by sharing my story with them. It is also my purpose in life.

“It is not living that matters, but living rightly.” —Socrates

Pursuing your passion is conscious living. It is doing what you love and being what you love. There is no autopilot involved. Passionate living is living with intention. It is the difference between a conscious and an unconscious life. Conscious living means being alive spiritually. It is what each person must strive for.

As a final thought, I ask you to read over this quote by Henry David Thoreau. Here he speaks about why in 1845 he decided to leave society for two years and live alone in the woods.

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms.” —Henry David Thoreau

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    How to Overcome Fear & Stop Resisting

    “To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness.” —Eckhart Tolle

    Stop resisting the will of the Universe. I’ve said this to myself thousands of times. It is perhaps one of the most powerful tools that has led me to peace of mind.

    In the past four years, I overcame depression, anxiety, and I lost sixty pounds. When you overcome a lifetime of anxiety & depression, a lot of things change. For one thing, you begin to enjoy life. Simple things that you hadn’t noticed before fill your heart with joy—Spring, a cold glass of water on a hot day, a good workout, a kind word, a smile. When you are overcome by the effects of anxiety & depression, you do not have time to notice these simple pleasures. (They are often overshadowed by the negative, irrational thoughts swarming inside of your head.)

    Happiness begets happiness, as I like to say. However, even in my increased state of happiness, I knew that something still wasn’t right. It took me awhile to realize what it was. Only after months of careful self-observation did I realize what was happening.

    A hard day at work = I was disgusted, angry, plagued by head aches.
    A frustrating experience at a car dealership = I was furious.
    An upcoming flight and travel arrangements = I was anxious, worried, sick to my stomach.

    I was continually allowing my mind to make me angry, sick, sad, frustrated, etc. Yet, after each of these experiences I learned some valuable lesson or something really important & meaningful happened as a result.

    Hard days at work always lead me to clarity about how myself and my team could be more efficient.
    The frustrating experience at the car dealership actually prevented me from making a terrible mistake and purchasing the wrong car.
    Recent travel and trips have brought me incredible successes in my personal & professional life.

    Upon observing all of this, it hit me. Even when things seemed terrible, even when I was really upset, eventually the pain of the situation would subside. Moreover, I would come out on the other side wiser, stronger, and grateful. Every thing that happened (happens) to me is a direct result of the will of the Universe (you can call that God, fate, destiny, or any other name you’d like to give it, no matter). Yes, every thing that happens is a direct result of the will of the Universe and an opportunity to learn and grow. In order to live true happiness, I had to stop resisting the will of the Universe. Once I did this, my life changed in incredible (and previously unimaginable) ways. When I stop resisting and simply “go with the flow” I find that I am constantly filled with a deep calmness in my soul. I do not worry or suffer. I simply exist and let all scenarios play themselves out. I understand that even pain is necessary and that ultimately it will carry me to a place of light & peace.

    Fear is Unnecessary

    At the root of every single feeling of discomfort, lies one emotion: fear. Fear is the emotion responsible for all forms of suffering. Sadness, anxiety, worry, rage, hatred, envy, and all other forms of suffering are rooted in fear. However, once you stop resisting the will of the Universe, you will understand that fear and suffering are actually not necessary at all.

    The vast majority of fear and suffering is a result of living in an unreal world and/or allowing negative, irrational thoughts to control our minds. The unreal world is the world of sky rise buildings, electricity, paper money, McDonald’s, television, marketing, vanity surgery, reality TV, etc. The real world is the world of trees, dirt, sun, stars, wind, rain, whole foods, self-love, generosity, family, love, etc. Can you see the difference? Once you remove yourself from the suffocating chains of the unreal world, and begin living in the real world, you will find that most of the fears that you experience are completely unnecessary. The vast majority of anxieties that we suffer from are made-up.

    – fear of judgment
    – fear of failure
    – fear of humiliation
    – fear of public speaking
    – fear of making a mistake
    – fear of travel
    – fear of forgetting something
    – fear of being alone and so on

    Once you realize that these fears are made-up in the unreal world, they can hold no power over you. All of the above are irrational anxieties. None of those things would actually put your life in danger or expose you to any harm. The only place that they can affect you is in your head. But you must remember that you have control over what goes on in your head! You can use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to end the suffering.

    Eventually, you will realize that true fear might have a place in your life, but that is only when you are truly in danger. Perhaps while being chased by a bear or masked murderer, while falling from a cliff, etc. Yes, in those instances, your fear is justified and it can help you by creating adrenaline, increased strength, quicker reflexes and cognitive ability. But other than those “real” true fear situations, there is really no need for fear and certainly no need for emotional suffering.

    Live Without Resistance or Fear

    Once you learn to stop resisting the will of the Universe and to live without fear, you will experience an entirely new & improved sort of living. You will find that all of the things that you once desired, but were afraid to seek, are actually within your reach. For example, I was emotionally crippled by irrational anxiety for the first half of my life. This made it impossible for me to speak in front of people. I could not ask a question in a class of twenty, let alone get up in front of a group of people to speak. My anxiety over public speaking was so great, that it crippled me. I once experienced a debilitating panic attack at a dinner party of five family friends! But… that is ancient history.

    Now, my former self is hardly recognizable. I have spoken in front of groups of sixty people or more with grace and confidence. I know that my fear is irrational & unnecessary, so I overcome it. Sure, my heart rate may increase, I might sweat a bit—but I do not let it stop me! I remind myself that that the fear is not real and I move forward to success.

    You are entirely capable of achieving the same same sort of success in your own life—personal & professional. Whatever your fear is, you can overcome it.

    “You’ll seldom experience regret for anything that you’ve done. It is what you haven’t done that will torment you.” —Wayne Dyer

    To allow fear to rule your life, is not to live at all. So stop resisting the will of the Universe and stop allowing fear to rule your life. Begin living, truly living, right now. There is nothing in your way. What is your greatest fear? Can you believe that it is unnecessary? What would you do if you had no fear in your heart at all? How different could your life be?

    The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them!

    I am now offering personalized coaching sessions to individuals suffering from anxiety &/or depression. If you are interested in scheduling a session or would like to learn more, please contact me at denabotbyl[@]gmail[.]com for details and rates. Include CBT Session in the subject line.

  • · · · · ·

    The Courage to Confront Your Dream

    What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. —The Alchemist

    Are You Aware of What You’re Doing?

    I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams lately (as if you hadn’t noticed). One of my most urgent ambitions/dreams is to live an entirely purposeful life. I see people around me everyday, sleepwalking through life, on autopilot. Alarm clock, shower, breakfast, commute, zombie work, commute, dinner, television, sleep. Repeat. Day in and day out. It breaks my heart. What hurts more are the moments (sometimes hours) when I catch myself falling into that terrible haze. Of course I snap myself out of it as soon as I realize it’s happening. The way that I snap out of it is simple enough: I ground myself. I literally take notice of my feet on the Earth, carpet, tile (wherever I am). I recognize my breathing. I acknowledge that I am a human being walking the Earth, beneath the sky, on a great big planet, floating in the Universe. It’s really important to do that, to ground yourself in reality at least once a day, probably more. If you don’t do it you will get caught up in the trivial — the fight with your spouse; the disappointment over your kid’s report card; the scratch on your new car; the ever-growing pile of papers on your desk; your unappreciative boss — you get the picture.

    Proactive vs. Reactive Living

    When you ground yourself, you pull yourself from the depths of the trivial, unimportant, little details that tend to take control. When you ground yourself, you become aware. The only problem with grounding yourself this way is that it is reactive rather than proactive. There is actually a much better way to avoid autopilot and that is proactivity. I am going to start talking a lot on this blog about reactive vs. proactive thoughts and actions. So let me take a moment to define what I mean by each of these terms.

    Reactive—Something happens and triggers you to take action.

    Example 1: You get on the scale one morning to realize that you’ve gained ten pounds. Your reaction is to begin a diet and start breaking your back in the gym until you lose the ten pounds.

    Example 2: Your marriage has been falling apart for the last two years. You fight with your spouse daily or more. You are both unhappy. You put everything before each other — work, friends, hobbies, etc. The marriage is your last priority. As a last resort you decide to attend marriage counseling.

    Proactive—You consciously prepare and act in ways that will produce certain desired outcomes in your life.

    Example 1: You are aware that you want to be physically healthy. You continually live a lifestyle that promotes health. You always take the stairs instead of the elevator. You run a mile each morning before work. You feed your body foods that it craves & needs and avoid “junk” whenever possible.

    Example 2: Your marriage is one of your top priorities. You make “alone” time and set dates with your spouse at least once a week. You plan vacations together to explore places you’ve never seen. You participate in each others favourite hobbies. You fight, as all healthy couples do, but you practice open communication and work through arguments before they become significant problems.

    If you analyze all of the actions and thoughts in your life, you will find that each one is either reactive or proactive. The goal is to make all of your thoughts and actions proactive. The problem with practicing reactive thinking or action, is that it is usually too late. And even when you do succeed, it is usually a short-lived success because reactive thoughts and actions do not treat the causes of problems; they only treat the symptoms.

    Let’s take the reactive approach to the extra ten pounds for example. You notice the excess weight, you starve yourself, you go to the gym religiously — within a few months, the pounds are gone. You feel great for a little while, but soon you go back to your old habits. A few months later and the pounds are creeping back on. On the other hand, if you had made a decision to begin taking a permanent proactive approach to maintaining your health, you would have achieved long-lasting, sustainable progress and results. These same principles would apply to the example of the troubled marriage and any other example that you could think of.

    Proactivity is a crucial element to a happy, fulfilling, successful life.

    Follow Your Legend, Confront Your Dream

    Now, I am going to tie this whole thing together and tell you how you can live a life of constant proactivity and sheer joy. Ready? Have another look at the opening lines to this post. What is a personal calling? It is God’s blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. (If you are not religious, replace the word God with the word Universe. What is a personal calling? It is the Universe’s blessing, it is the path that the Universe chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don’t all have the courage to confront our own dream. To me, the words God & Universe mean the same, beautiful, powerful thing.)

    That’s it, my friends, if you want to live proactively, if you want to live the life of your dreams, all you have to do is confront your dreams and follow your legend.

    Ask yourself these questions: What fills me with enthusiasm? What is the one thing that I could wake up and do happily every single day for the rest of my life without even being paid? When you have the answer, then you have your personal calling. It is the path that is meant for you. When you do this thing, you will follow your legend and you will confront your dreams.

    Next month, it will be one year since I discovered my own personal calling. I will never forget the moment. It hit me like lightning — to help people by sharing my journey & the lessons I’ve learned along the way — so simple, but so amazing. That is what compelled me to start this blog eight months ago. That is what has kept me going ever since. And I know what you are thinking now: Dena, I can’t do it. You are making it sound so simple, but it’s not. I can’t afford to quit my job. I have a mortgage to pay. My mother is sick. I am not talented enough. I’m too old. It’s not practical. And the list of excuses will go on and on and on. Well, I am sorry, but none of your excuses are good enough! No matter how stuck you think you are — no matter how dire your circumstance might seem — there is a way out!

    Take it from me. I was depressed and anxious for the first half of my life. I spent much of that time wanting my life to end. I was seventy pounds overweight. I was $40,000 in debt. How much further down could I have gone? I could have used a lot of excuses to keep myself in that state; but I didn’t. I made a decision to change my life. I lost seventy pounds. I overcame anxiety and depression. I’ve cut my debt in half and continue to pay it down every day! I figured out my personal calling and I am doing it. I am following my legend, confronting my dreams. I am making it happen — and you can do it, too.

    Before you get started with your excuses again, I’d like you to imagine something. Imagine being born a young girl in Alabama in 1880. Imagine then growing up to understand French, German, Greek, and Latin. Imagine then going to Harvard, at a time when few women from your town did anything other than get married and raise kids. Imagine then writing a book that was translated into twenty-five languages and inspired two Oscar-winning movies. Imagine then meeting every President in your lifetime and being awarded the highest civilian honor—the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That would be some accomplishment, wouldn’t it? Now imagine doing all of that whilst being blind, deaf, and barely able to talk for your entire life.

    It’s not impossible, friends. In fact, it’s very possible and there is a woman who did all of that, her name was Helen Keller. She accomplished all of those things, and more, because she believed in herself and she had a good teacher. (Taken from How to Be Rich & Happy.)

    “Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.” —John Wayne

    Every single day is a new opportunity for us to begin living the lives of our dreams. Today is called “the present” because it is a gift. Take it and do something with it!

    I would love to hear your thoughts about this post. What is your personal calling? What obstacles are standing in your way? How are you going to overcome them? What can I do to help you get there? Let me know in the comments.

11 Comments

  1. Wow Dena, as Socrates said "The unexamined life is not worth living."
    Just yesterday, I saw a YouTube video of little male chicks being slaughtered because they were useless to the poulty industry. It was extremely disturbing and sad at the same time. Which got me thinking:
    When we stress, we create 'stress hormones' within our body.
    Not only that, we eat animals that have been caged and stressed every single second of their lives. I would think the animals must be full of 'stress hormones' which we end up eating… If my theory is sound, it's a very scary thought.

    Sorry to bum out your comment section.

    Ken

  2. This was a wonderful post.. very deep and very well thought out. The quote at the end has done quite a bit to rekindle my interest in Thoreau. I'll probably re-read Walden today. Such a great book.

    In the nature section you talked about being very small pieces of a large puzzle. That's true. A few years back I was reading The Purpose Driven Life. I'm not proud to admit that because it's a fluffy, pop-theology, self-improvement book, but it was worth reading for one quote. "I was not put on this earth to be remembered."

    That's the one thing I can recall from that book that hasn't completely evaporated from my memory. It's very true, too. But what's ironic is that the people who realize they aren't here to be remembered are few and so remarkable that they are usually remembered. Humility has a lasting effect in the face of the universe.

    Thanks for this post! I'm off to reacquaint myself with some Thoreau!

  3. Being aware is sometimes the toughest thing. I try to slow down and appreciate that which is around me. But sometimes life gets in the way. Great reminder post!

    Dave
    LifeExcursion

  4. @Ken I think I know the video you are speaking about. I saw a link out to it on youtube, however I did not have the heart to watch it.

    You are so correct – we all need to be more conscious about what we put into our bodies and the behaviors that I purchases (food choices) support.

    @J.D. Thanks so much for the sweet comment. I am glad that you enjoyed the post. Indeed, humility has a lasting effect – I think it is a quality far too UNDERvalued in today's society.

    @Dave Thanks, Dave. Yup, it can be as simple as stopping to smell the roses! 🙂

  5. Amazing Dena, I have been following MarcandAngel and saw your comment and I think I really was supposed to, This is a very throught provoking post and I am glad I came across it, you now have one extra follower 🙂

    Kindest Regards Joshua

  6. "There are two ways to live: 1. consciously— aware, deliberate, thoughtful and 2. unconsciously— unaware, on auto-pilot, careless."

    I think this is a good quote, the hardest part is when you realize you are living on auto-pilot and making the change to living conciously

    Thanks for the post Dena!

  7. @Josh – Wow, I am so glad that you found me & that you enjoyed the post! Keep reading my friend & keep improving your life. 🙂

    @abc – You are absolutely right. It is hard. Change is never easy but it's usually worth it. You are very welcome, my friend.

  8. Thanks you so much for the sweet inclusion in this article. I am so glad you enjoyed my post on conscious/mindful eating. Mindfulness is essential in every aspect of our lives. Cheers to our good health! Thanks again and looking forward to reading more from you!

    1. You are very welcome, Amber! I am a big fan of your site and it is a pleasure to share your content with my readers. Keep it up!

  9. Pingback: Breathing Consciously – Turn Off Your Autopilot
  10. Great post, and ages well. 🙂 Once upon a time, I hit a wall with my unconscious patterns and when I started to see them ended up on an epic spiritual pilgrimage that brought me deep into Central America – and myself. (One of the best things I’ve ever done).

    I also share more about my new approaches and lifestyle on my own blog as well. You may also find one of my related posts there of interest..

    5 Tips to Support your Conscious Lifestyle Transformation.. https://www.chadmc.com/blogs/freshxraw/5-tips-to-support-your-conscious-lifestyle-transformation

    Sending your all good vibes.

    Cheers,

    Chad

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